


Booker needs his family

by archgirl818



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Angst, Angsty Booker | Sebastien le Livre, Booker needs Love, Booker | Sebastian le Livre & Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani Friendship, Booker | Sebastien le Livre & Nile Freeman Friendship, Booker | Sebastien le Livre Needs Therapy, Booker | Sebastien le Livre Needs a Hug, Booker | Sebastien le Livre Whump, Booker | Sebastien le Livre is a sad racoon man, Depressed Booker | Sebastien le Livre, Depression, Gen, give this man a hug, the exile was bullshit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:29:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28763346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archgirl818/pseuds/archgirl818
Summary: Booker has a rough 70 years of depression, and then Nicky and Nile find him on the street and are concerned tmbasically, booker is a depressed raccoon man that needs his family and can't understand that people love him
Relationships: Booker | Sebastien le Livre & Nile Freeman & Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani & Nicky | Nicolo di Genova, Booker/Therapy - Relationship, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 39
Kudos: 63





	1. Booker

Booker knew he looked awful but he couldn’t bring it in himself to care. He had done so much harm to the ones that he loved the most how could he care for the one he hated the most? Himself. And besides taking care of himself would mean going to the shop where there was people, and he couldn’t handle that right now, all those fake smiles hiding pain, and all the talking, god he couldn’t even remember the last time he spoke. It was… maybe a year ago? Maybe longer. He just couldn’t do it. Which seemed ironic considering he frequented the liquor store near his apartment. But…. They new him. They didn’t ask him to speak, they didn’t judge, most people going to that store were worse off than him so it didn’t really matter and he wasn’t surrounded by fake smiles, only the pained looks of people haunted like him. Though those people couldn’t possibly have done anything near what he had done. 

Instead of spiraling further booker grabbed his coat and put it on, pausing when he accidentally put his arm through a hole instead of the arm of the coat. He managed a weak chuckle and thought to himself ‘at least its not as messed up as I am, I’ll keep it around, broken things deserve a home too’ he caught a look at himself in the mirror, god he looked more dead than alive, he ran a hand through his greasy hair and decided to put off a shower for a bit longer, it was only three months, he’d gone longer than that and right now he needed the balm that whiskey would bring to his soul. Quiet the spiraling thoughts in his head. Booker shoved a hat on to try and look slightly less dead and headed out the door.

Then he got to the store he nodded to Jeanne behind the counter and grabbed two bottles of whiskey. One for the walk home and one for when he got home, if one could call his mouse infested apartment home, at least the mice wouldn’t leave him. 

On the street he cracked one open and chugged a good amount before walking. ‘I need this’ he thought to himself ‘it’s better than the alternative, and I can’t even die right anyway’ stumbling home he looked and saw ¾ of the bottle was gone. And that was when he heard them. It couldn’t be. Booker peaked around the corner and FUCK it was them, Nile and Nicky walking down the street laughing. he panicked they can’t see him if they see him they would extend his sentence, or worse kill him and then extend his sentence. ‘you’re forgetting something’ his traitorous mind supplied ‘your useless, beyond useless your dangerous how could they ever trust you to exist in the same world as them, they figured it out and are coming for you to throw you in the sea so you can no longer hurt everything you touch’ even if that wasn’t true, he couldn’t face them. He hurt them so much obviously even seeing his face would hurt them.

With no where to go booker looked down at his tattered coat and realized he looked homeless, he could disappear, he sat on the ground against the wall, quickly finishing his bottle then pushed his collar up, his hat down and put his head between his knees. A perfect disguise…... but not perfect enough.  
“hey are you ok??” the voice that he longed to hear but never hoped to hear again spoke, Nile was so young so innocent he couldn’t taint her, after all he hurt everything he ever touched.

So he mustered up a voice after so long, “yes..ok” fuck even to himself that sounded bad between avoiding talking so long and the booze he sounded garbled, barely human. Then his worst fear in that instant happened his hat was ripped off and he was looking into the face of Nicolo di Genova. Perfect Nicky, he could never do anything to hurt the others once he stopped being a crusader. He was so kind.  
A soft gasp and then “booker” he almost broke down right then he never thought Nicky would ever speak to him again, even those two syllables meant the world. His face unreadable, booker had never seen that expression before, he must reserve it for the ones he hated the most, and god that hurt to know his brother hated him so. Brother?… no Nicky would never see him as that again acquaintance? Victim? Enemy? He didn’t even know anymore but his hand grabbed booker Before he could do anything, speak, run, hide, anything that hand grabbed his arm and hoisted him up forcing him to walk somewhere. Nile furiously texting behind him.

He was caught booker had no where to go, he couldn’t get out of Nicky’s iron grip without harming him and he could never do that again, not even to save himself. He knew what was coming, he broke the terms of the exile and they would have a meeting to decide what to do with him. he hoped they showed even a smidge of the mercy he didn’t deserve. He wouldn’t beg, wouldn’t fight, just take the punishment. Maybe in 500 years they would fish him out of the sea, maybe then he would be forgiven if the tides hadn’t taken him somewhere never to be found again


	2. Nicky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nickys view on what just happened

Nicky was excited to show Nile around Paris, even if they ran into booker it would be ok, he had forgiven him a few years ago and his time was nearly up anyway so there was no real harm, besides if bad feelings arose, he could just walk away. And besides Paris was a large city the odds of seeing him were really small, and Nicky needed ingredients for dinner that the small town an hour out of Paris didn’t have so they made a day out of it. He showed her the louvre and all the paintings that either their family was in or joe had painted. There was even an old sketch book of joes that he liked to visit from time to time.

As the day winded down Nicky took Nile to a small grocery store in an older part of the city, perfect for what he needed and enjoyed watching Niles face when she saw something she had never seen before. Shopping accomplished they started walking back to the car, Nicky recounting old memories from the renaissance. Nile adored when he talked about that because in her former life she wanted to pursue a degree in art history after the military. She mentioned she joined partly because of her father but also for the promises of free tuition. Nicky always scowled at that he had heard so many stories of those promises being broken.

When they turned the corner there was a homeless man leaning against the wall, Nicky could smell his body odor and whiskey from several feet away and his heart panged. He hated seeing bad things happen to people so he set his groceries down to rummage in his satchel for some cash, hopefully it would help, he never carried much with him but maybe there would be enough for a hot meal.  
While he was rummaging he hear Nile say “hey are you ok??” and he smiled he saw a bit of himself in Nile, she could never let another human being suffer when she could do something.

And then he heard the answering “yes..ok” and his heart stopped. The voice was garbled, barley human but he would recognize the voice of his brother for almost 200 years anywhere.

Before he knew what he was doing Nicky had walked over and ripped the hat off the man and he looked up. Nicky couldn’t stop the gasp from ripping from his chest. “ booker” he looked awful, worse than the time he was blown up in Vietnam and Nicky sat next to him for 9 hours while his body pulled together and reformed. He couldn’t help the shiver that went down his spine, that was one of the worst days in his long life seeing that…..  
Almost outside of his own volition he could feel his body grab bookers hand and hoist him up, quickly walking to the car. The only thoughts in his head were he had to get booker somewhere safe, his brother needed him. fuck he had always been a mess but not this bad. Was this his fault? Should he have fought harder for a shorter sentence? How could he fix this???

As soon as he reached the car, he threw booker in the back looking at nile so that she would hopefully know to get in the back with him. and luckily, she complied without him having to speak. He had to many emotions and thoughts running through his head to be able to get many words out. He was bad at composing his sentences at the best of times and right now all he could get out was ‘booker’ and that wouldn’t be helpful. In his rush to get booker to safety he almost hit three cars and started composing a list to calm himself.

Step 1. Booker needs a bath, he smells, and he always felt better after we made him take a bath. Maybe with bubbles or some of those smelling salts Nile likes surely she wouldn’t mind...  
Nicky stopped himself and shook his head. List. Compose your thoughts. Vaguely he heard the window roll down and something smash. He whipped his head around in a panic, but both his charges looked ok, well booker looked no worse than before, but he looked terrified, fuck he needed to get him home and safe NOW. 

Step 2. Food booker is too thin he almost looks like a skeleton, Nicky’s hand wrapped around his wrist with fingers to spare and that was no good. Oh god food. He left the food on the sidewalk! Oh well there was other food at home and judging by the state of booker he wouldn’t be able to handle much of anything substantial without vomiting. Soup. That would work, and they definitely have the makings of soup at home.

‘stop Nicky focus’

Step 1 ½ clothes shit Nicky forgot about clothes, that’s ok it wouldn’t be the first or last time they had shared with him, he would probably want something soft right? Joe has some well-worn sweatpants that he could pilfer and a nice soft hoody yes that would work fine  
Step god what step was he on, 3 yes step three wrap him up in blankets and make sure he’s ok make him feel safe.

When he finished the list, he swerved into the driveway slightly calmer. But that ended the second he saw the state of his baby brother again. God how could they not have even checked in on him they have no excuse. He grabbed his precious cargo and bustled him into the bathroom. When he registered that everything was set up, he mentally sent out a thanks to his wonderful husband for bringing the clothes he had thought of and a fresh towel. Even the bubble bath and Niles bath salts were set out. He felt slightly calmer seeing what his husband had done and set to work drawing a bath for his young brother, making sure the temperature was just right and measured out salt according to the package. Nile had told him that the salts helped when mortals got injured and booker needed all the help he could get. 

Nicky turned around and saw booker standing awkwardly, no not awkwardly, terrified, in the corner of the bathroom where Nicky had placed him. he calmed his thoughts and spoke.  
“come, get in the bath booker, take as long as you need.”   
Then he left to give booker some privacy.

As soon as he left the bathroom, he found himself in his husbands arms. Nile must have filled him in, he looked heart broken. Nicky allowed himself to break down for a moment safe in joes arms with his arm stoking soothingly up and down his back. Then he dried his eyes and separated from his love words coming easier now that his emotions were more under control

“soup, I need to make him soup hayati, he looks like a skeleton.”

And with that they moved to the kitchen in a familiar and soothing dance him tending the pot and joe handing him what he needed, already chopped.  
By the time booker emerged from the bathroom he looked a tiny bit better, but the way that joes’ sweatpants hung off his body concerned Nicky to no end. Last time booker had worn these pants they had been much snugger.  
He moved around the counter and guided booker to a chair setting a bowl of soup in front of him.

“eat, you’ll feel better fratello minore”

Nicky managed a weak smile when booker took a bite of his soup, but his heart seized up again when he heard bookers garbled broken voice eek out two words.  
“thank you”


	3. Nile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> niles thoughts on what happened

Nile had a great time in Paris, this was the first time she had ever been there since they had avoided France for the last 70 years. Nicky took her to the louvre and showed her all the paintings that her new family were involved in and telling stories that would make every art history major green with envy that they never got to hear them.

Afterwards Nicky took her to a teeny tiny grocery store that had the strangest things in it and she saw Nicky smile whenever she looked at something cool, she would pick things up and beg him to tell her about it even if she had an inkling because it made Nicky smile whenever she did that and she liked it when he smiled. This family really needs to smile more. But Nile knows that with all their history there is a lot to be unhappy about so she goes out of her way to do stupid things to make them smile a little more and maybe it will snowball, and they will get happier on their own.

As they headed back to the car, she saw a man almost tipped over hugging his legs and shaking like he was terrified of something. He didn’t look ok, his giant coat hiding most of him, but his ankles peaked out between his pants and his sockless shoes and they were bone thin and an unhealthy color. She paused and asked “hey are you ok??”

He responded in a garbled slurred voice “yes..ok” that only made her even more concerned. She looked back at Nicky about to ask if there was someone they could call like an ambulance or something. But Nicky looked pale, like he’d seen a ghost. He walked over to the man, pulled his hat off, and gasped “booker.”  
As soon as he said it Nile recognized him. but he looked bad, like he should be dead bad. Before she could react Nicky grabbed booker and started walking quickly to the car. She caught on immediately, abandoning the groceries because it wasn’t important anymore, she needed both hands to text joe what was going on. Booker looked like death and Nicky looked like he was going to keel over from anxiety any second. Like the time that joe had been captured and tortured and they had to sneak him out to safety because the two of them couldn’t take one several hundred people alone and carry joe at the same time.  
As she walked behind them she frantically texted joe what was happening

[found book]  
[he looks bad]  
[really bad]  
[bringing him home]

They got to the car and Nicky shoved booker into the backseat and looked imploringly at her. She got into the backseat with him, he needed to not be alone right now.

{is Nicky ok with this}  
{surely he cant be that bad}  
[Nicky is the one bringing him home]  
[its that bad]  
{shit}  
{what can I do?}

Booker pulled out a full bottle of whiskey from who knows where and started chugging it

[he smells and he looks like a skeleton]

Nile grabbed it and threw it out the window, she had seen the matching empty bottle next to him when they found him and no way was it healthy to drink two full bottles of whiskey. Even for an immortal

[maybe get a towel for him and chop veggies]  
{on it}  
{eta?}  
[I don’t know]  
{?}  
[ we were an hour out but Nicky is driving like the devil is behind us]  
{30 minutes, gottit}  
[he just tried to drink a second bottle of whiskey and got about half of it in before I could stop him]  
{shit}

The car screeched to a halt and before Nile could blink Nicky was bustling him into the house. Nile took a deep breath before entering the house then got to work. She knows its not just “sad” but whenever she was sad her mom would pile all the blankets o the couch and they would watch Disney movies till they passed out. She didn’t know what to do but hopefully this would help. She went into the bedroom and the closets and grabbed all the blankets throwing them on the couch. She could hear pots and pans clanging in the kitchen. Good booker definitely needed food in him.  
That done she sat down with her laptop and texted Copley

[emergency]  
[need Disney+ NOW]  
{that’s not an emergency}  
[yes it is]  
{entertainment isn’t an emergency}  
[we found booker half dead and depressed and I need to put on Disney movies for him]

[Copley]

{username 154567}  
{password 989796}  
[you’re the best]  
{take care of him}  
[ill do what I can]  
[the boys are doing their best too]  
{good}

That done Nile set the laptop up to the tv and queued up brother bear, thinking it had some similar notes but that at the end kenai realized that koda forgave him and that koda was his little brother that he loved and they were still family despite mistakes.

She heard bookers attempt at speaking and her heart clenched as she walked into the kitchen. Nicky pushed a bowl into her hands, and she ate it almost mechanically. It was really good, but the state of booker put her into a bit of a funk.

She watched booker eat. He ate strangely. It was quick like a starving man but also slow at the same time as if he were savoring every bite unsure if he would ever taste it again. Then it clicked. The exile wasn’t over, he probably thought that he wouldn’t have Nicky’s cooking again for 30 more years.  
“you’re staying with us now, you’re stuck with us now, I need three big brothers” she tried to tease him, but it came out flat  
he made a noise that was dismissive and disbelieving and didn’t that just break her heart. Hopefully, movie night would help show him that they weren’t letting him get away again.

Once everyone finished eating Nicky and Nile bundled booker up in a blanket and got him to the couch while joe washed the dishes.  
“movie night!” Nile declared with as much cheerfulness as she could muster.

They put booker in the middle of the couch with Nicky on one side and room for joe on the other. As soon as joe joined them Nile started the movie. If she noticed soft crying from the blanket burrito she was leaning against as she sat on the floor, she was kind enough to not mention it. After brother bear they watched finding nemo and toy story, after the second toy story everyone was asleep in a pile on the floor, designed to try and give some comfort to their wayward brother who had been alone so long


	4. Joe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> joes turn to tell us how he feels about all this

Joe was having a good day, Nicky had promised to make his favorite food, fesenjan. But he heeded to go into Paris for some ingredients him and Nile decided to make a day out of it because Nile had never been to Paris, leaving joe alone with his thoughts. He was a bit nervous if they ran into booker but he was mostly forgiven by now and they could always walk away, besides Paris was a big place and he figured booker had learned his lesson by now and wouldn’t harm his beloved and their rlittle sister.

So joe took the opportunity for a me day with everyone out of the house. He cleaned starting with the kitchen (because the promise of fesenjan was fresh in his mind) then moved on to the bathroom, scrubbing the bathtub, toilets, floor, everything, then changed the sheets on all the beds and started laundry. God he loved modern washing machines, all he had to do was put the laundry into the bin, put some soap in, and turn the dial. It was nothing short of miraculous.

While the laundry was going he settled into his favorite comfy chair in this safehouse and started to sketch. He started out as he always does drawing Nicky’s smile, his hands, and the curve of his back. Then moved o to drawing his little sister, joe loved drawing his little sisters smile, so innocent and unmarred from centuries alive. And her braids always captivated him. he had spent so long drawing the texture of Nicky, andy, and bookers hair so it was something new, a challenge to draw the youngest member of the families intricate braids.

His phone dinged and he smiled. Nile was very into texting and he loved getting her little updates. Nicky and Nile had gone to the louvre and she kept sending him selfies with paintings and funny captions. He unlocked his phone wondering what the youngest immortal had sent him this time when his phone dinged again.

[found book]  
[he looks bad]  
[really bad]  
[bringing him home]

Joes heart stopped, it was too early. Yes they had forgiven him but he was scared of seeing his brother. Not because he thought booker would hurt them again, he must have learned by now. But because they were still healing, he had no idea how he would react seeing bookers face for the first time after the betrayal. Would all the emotions come flooding back? Would he be angry? Would he be scared pushed back into remembering him and his love strapped down on that table being tortured and not knowing if they would ever manage to escape. And Nicky, god he was a mess afterwards, he had retreated far into his shell that joe had spent decades coaxing him out of, he spoke less, his emotions too high for him to manage. Rejecting affection from joe I front of Nile unwilling to make her feel as alone as booker had insinuated seeing them together made him feel. God how was he reacting to Nile bringing booker home

{is Nicky ok with this}

His heart seized again hoping against hope he was wrong….if Nicky was on board then booker would be in a lot of trouble. His love could never stand the thought of another person hurting and when it came to his family he was fierce in protecting them from the evils of the world even if they were in their own heads. With shaky fingers he asked the question trying to feign nonchalance 

{surely he cant be that bad}  
[Nicky is the one bringing him home]

Shit shit shit

[its that bad]

Motherfucking shit

{shit}  
Booker must be in a horrendous state, god what had they done. His heart hurt for his brother. This was supposed to be a time for reflection and growth like how people send children to their rooms. Not a time of suffering. 

{what can I do?}  
He would move heaven and earth for his family and even though booker had been gone he was as much a part of joes heart as Nile was. 

[he smells and he looks like a skeleton]  
[maybe get a towel for him and chop veggies]  
Oh god, that sounds awful, Nicky must be freaking out. Wait calm down joe she gave you two tasks simple, focus on those.

{on it}  
{eta?}  
[I don’t know]  
{?}  
[ we were an hour out but Nicky is driving like the devil is behind us]  
Joe smiled a weak smile Nicky was the best getaway driver because of his penchant for going way too fast and not caring about the laws of the road, he could easily calculate how long that would be but Nile hadn’t gotten the hang of it yet

{30 minutes, gottit}  
[he just tried to drink a second bottle of whiskey and got about half of it in before I could stop him]  
Oh book what have you done to yourself  
{shit}

Joe set his phone down, abandoning his sketch book and trying to focus on his tasks. Bath first. He grabbed a clean towel from the dryer and set it on the bathroom stool then rummaged around for his and Nicky’s bubble bath, then paused as he found Niles Epsom salts, she probably wouldn’t mind if he set those out for book too, none of them had a problem with sharing and this sounds like a dire situation. Then he went to his room and found the softest clothes he could find. A pair of his own worn sweatpants that booker had stolen before and Nicky’s favorite non-battle sweatshirt, it wasn’t strictly speaking clean but it smelled like Nicky in the best possible way and maybe it would help to surround booker with love.

Then he moved on to the kitchen, he didn’t know what Nicky would want to cook, probably soup, so he grabbed every vegetable from the fridge and got to work chopping them to hopefully expedite nickys process to get some food into their brother sooner.

Suddenly the door slammed open and he caught a glimpse of Nicky ushering in a terrified, raggedy looking booker into the bathroom. He only saw him for a second but book looked so bad joe almost collapsed with the strength of the emotions coursing through him, grief, guilt, sadness, and the inexplicable need to take care of his brother and never let him out of his sight again. Maybe he would look better after his bath but he didn’t have much hope for that. There’s only so much a bath can do. 

Nicky emerged from the bathroom and immediately collapsed into joes arms wetting his tee shirt. Joe stroked his arm up and down his back soothingly, knowing that no one would be whole till they could make booker whole again but he could give his love a small amount of comfort and he would, until the ends of the earth.

After a while Nicky pulled away and looked up at him, and with a grief rough voice told joe the next step to fix their brother, make him whole again. Nicky was always good with lists and steps, where joes brain just caused chaos when he was emotional Nicky found peace in order.  
“soup, I need to make him soup hayati, he looks like a skeleton.”

Joe nodded his throat felt like there was a softball in it, but this he could do, had done a million times in the past. They moved around each other like a well oiled machine…no more like a dance a well choregraphed dance creating life giving food for their book.

When booker emerged joe had to fight to not show the horror on his face, the sweatpants barely stayed on his frail frame. His cheeks were sunken and hollow underneath the darkest circles he had ever seen under eyes. Nicky’s sweatshirt hung off him like a dress one side of it slipping down to show his collarbone and shoulder. God Nile was right he looked like a skeleton, like death warmed over. Joe tried to smile as he grabbed the largest bowl he could find and portioned out a large portion of Nicky’s soup and a chunk of bread but it probably looked more like a grimace.

How could he smile when his brother was in this state….when they let him get to this state because they were too caught up in the betrayal they didn’t even stop to ask why. They new booker was never quite right and they pushed him away anyway. The time out should have been much shorter, maybe a few months. God the damage they had inflicted. Joe felt kind hands take the bowl of soup from his shaking hands and realized he had been standing there too long. Booker. They needed to focus on booker.

Nicky pushed the bowl in front of booker  
“eat, you’ll feel better fratello minore”

Booker took a tentative bite and joes heart stopped when he heard that voice he knew so well say the first two words he had heard in 70 years “thankyou” it was garbled and slurred as if he had forgotten how to talk. Or like one of those feral children raised by animals who would grunt their way through sentences because they never learned how to speak. Then when they are taught their voice just wont cooperate. Joe considered walking away to compose himself but he didn’t want to hurt booker by leaving him. he felt like if he let booker out of his sight for a second he would waste away or disappear.  
So joe filled bowls and sat at the table with his finally full family and ate. It was mechanical the vision of booker almost too much to handle but if they didn’t eat what if he stopped. So joe ate. And he filled his and bookers bowls a second time and grabbed more bread for the two of them and ate some more. He could handle over eating if it helped get booker back faster.

Once they finished eating Nile declared it was movie night and he smiled at his young sister, so eager to help. He let them get booker settled in the living room while he washed up the dishes, needing a moment to compose himself before going back in there with the ghost of his brother. And if the sound of running water covered up a few well timed sobs he was the only one who needed to know that.

Dishes done he settled into the living room on bookers side that wasn’t occupied by Nicky, making sure to settle in to where he was completely touching booker with his arm around his back. He read in one of Nicky’s medical books that twenty six seconds of human contact increased serotonin in the human body and he wanted to force bookers body to produce as much as possible as well as making sure booker knew he was there.

Booker cried several times during brother bear. The movie was surprisingly a good metaphor for them and booker, each time he felt booker began to shake he would begin to rub his back until the sobs abated. Never mentioning them because he didn’t want to embarrass him, but simply being there for him.

After several movies, god who knew Disney had so many movies about finding your way home to your family, they moved to the floor that Nile had set up as a cushy wonderland and they all fell asleep together. Joe and Nicky on either side with booker and Nile in the middle. Joe and Nicky’s hands clasped together over everyone, keeping the family safe and together, at least for tonight.


	5. Booker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bookers perspective on what's happening
> 
> (comments give me life)

Booker was terrified as Nicky uncaringly shoved him into the car and Nile piled in after him. obviously to make sure he didn’t run away. Not that he could, his reaction time was slow nowadays and Nicky ran to the drivers seat and had the car running before he could even blink they were hurtling down the road like someone was chasing them. No one was, except his own demons of course. Nicky was clearly furious with him even after all these years, so furious he could barley keep the car on the road and almost hit three different cars.

Booker pulled out his second bottle and started drinking, hopefully he could pass out, or hopefully be numb when they doled out the punishment and it wouldn’t hurt so much no matter if it was emotional or a physical punishment. God, he wants to die but he does not want to drown in the sea for 500 years. That wouldn’t be death that would be torture, although he would definitely deserve it.

He was shaken out of his reverie by Nile grabbing his bottle and throwing it out the window before returning to ignoring him completely and texting furiously on her phone. He had hoped that at least Nile wouldn’t hate him because they didn’t have as much history but that was too much to ask for. He always asks for too much. Booker grabbed his arm and started making patterns with digging his fingernails in. not enough to draw blood, but enough to distract him from his inevitable doom and to try and release some of his fear.  
Nicky screeched to a halt and grabbed him out of the car, shoving him inside the house with no preamble, past joe, not even giving them time for a greeting, and into the bathroom where he started to fill the bathtub with water and salt. So, this is how it ends, they are going to drown him in a bathtub before they can get the chance to bring him to the ocean. Not even a “trial” this time just Nicky drowning him in a bathtub. Couldn’t they wait until they got to the ocean to begin his punishment? No, he had 70 years of freedom they’ve probably been planning this. Yeah, that’s why Nicky and Nile were in Paris, so they could find him and that would break the exile so that they could enact this.  
Booker was too scared to move, knew it was hopeless when Joe and Nile were outside the door. So he stood there while Nicky prepared his torture chamber, improving the crescent shapes on his arm. Till the bathtub was finally filled and Nicky looked back at him. booker took a shaky breath preparing himself for his next words.

“come, get in the bath booker, take as long as you need.”

Booker froze as Nicky left the room, that was not what he expected at all. The bathtub smelled like lavender and there was a towel with sweatpants and a hoodie underneath it. Oh, he probably smelled and they wanted him cleaned up before they decided the punishment. Yeah, that makes sense he took off his coat and mourned the protection it gave him. carefully folding up his clothes to avoid being anymore of a problem than he already was. And eased his body into the water. The lavender smelled really soothing and he fell into the first peaceful sleep he had in 70 years.  
Booker slowly came into consciousness and he was cold, suddenly thoughts of Russia flooded into his head. Cold meant pain. He slipped down and suddenly his mouth was filling with water and all he could taste was salt. Everything was salt and cold; he was in the ocean like he had dreamed so many thousands of times. It was real. He started thrashing hitting the sides of what was holding him there something solid he couldn’t move it. Then he noticed he was breathing air and there was no top to the container, so he crawled out shivering clutching his knees to his chest. It took a while to come back to reality, it always did. The first thing he felt beyond the cold was something soft under his toes. He wiggled them into it and the world came into focus. He was in a bathroom. A nice bathroom with a big mirror, and a bathmat and candles. Huh. There was a towel sitting on a stool and he wrapped it around himself desperately rubbing the cold and the salt off his body. Then noticing the clothing under where the towel was it all came back to him. where he was. Who he was with. And worst of all, why he was there. To await judgement. Not willing to torture himself more dragging it out he pulled the soft clothes onto his still cold body and couldn’t help but see himself in the mirror. The familiar feeling washed through him, he knew that was his body, but it didn’t feel like him, almost skeletal with dead eyes, no muscle mass, just pain and shadows. He hiked the pants up willing them not to fall off his thin frame, mustered up the courage, and left the bathroom to find out his fate.

As he walked out of the bathroom everyone was staring at him, probably hoping he would mess up. Then Nicky rushed forward as joe went to the stove, Nicky pushed him into a chair. Booker waited quietly for them to decide as Nicky went back to joe. Then came back and pushed a bowl of soup with a chunk of bread towards him.

“eat, you’ll feel better fratello minore”

Booker was confused, he must have interrupted dinner but between the longing for tasting one of Nicky’s homecooked meals again and the fact that he didn’t want to hurt or offend them anymore than he already had he ate the soup without complaint. He lifted his spoon to his mouth and his taste buds exploded the white wine and the garlic mixed with the chicken and the vegetables were so good after neglecting himself so long he almost moaned. It was only after putting the spoon down for a second bite he remembered his manners, they were so nice to have shared their meal with him after everything the least he could do was thank him. even in his rusty garbled voice, he focused and managed to push out.

“thank you”

His body long gone without nourishment tried to wolf the food down as fast as possible but booker knew that this could be his last meal. And not only that but even if they just killed him and extended his sentence it would definitely be the last thing that he would ever taste of Nicky’s cooking. He felt everyone staring at him even as they were eating and he tried to ignore it, the tenseness of the situation. He was grateful for the soup, but he wished they would just get it over with and tell him his fate.

Then Nile, sweet young naïve Nile spoke to him “you’re staying with us now, you’re stuck with us now, I need three big brothers.”

Booker didn’t have the heart to tell her that they would never let him stay, much less allow him to be a big brother too her. She was too young, and he had hurt the others too bad. They needed to protect her from him, he hurt and poisoned everything he touched. So he just let out a noise hoping it was reassuring to her.  
Once he finished the first bowl and the bread joe pushed a second bowl and bread in front of him, his stomach wanted it, but he didn’t want to be greedy. He looked at joe who was also eating a second bowl and looked pointedly between his bowl and him, so he ate it, beyond grateful for Nicky’s cooking. It felt like he was home, but he knew he shouldn’t get used to it or it would hurt even more when he lost it.

After he finished eating Nile reminded everyone that apparently it was movie night. And wasn’t that just a kick in the teeth, they never had movie night or any kind of organized nights when he was here ‘but you never deserved it’ his mind supplied. He shook his heads to clear his thoughts, and realized somehow, he had managed to be wrapped in a blanket and placed on the couch leaning against Nicky with Nile on the floor against his legs. He tried to move, if anyone should sit on the floor it would be the interloper, the traitor, the enemy, but Nicky tightened his arm around the back of him and he got the message. ‘Stay there we can watch you here, keep you from hurting us’. After a moment joe appeared and sat next to him, against him, wrapping his arm around him so he couldn’t possibly escape, and Nile started the movie.

This was clearly designed to torture him, a movie about a man who watches his brother die and does nothing to save him, forced out of his home forever and bonds with the son of the woman he murdered. How is this a children’s movie. He cries a few times, when koda figures out he was travelling with a monster was particularly hard, but the strange thing was joe kept rubbing his back whenever it happened. It must be an instinct from being around Nicky and Nile so much, he can’t know that he is rubbing the traitors back in some twisted parody of comfort, can he not see that booker is the monster who killed kodas mom and that they are koda? Once the movies end, they all shift to the floor to go to sleep. Nicky at his back, Nile at his front, and joe behind her with joe and Nicky’s hands held together on top of all of them. Smart, he could never escape without waking them. They need to watch him, make sure he doesn’t hurt them again because that’s all he’s good for.

Booker stays awake as long as he can waiting for it to be a trap. As soon as he falls asleep, they will enact their revenge, no punishment, he deserves it after all. Eventually he loses himself to a dreamless sleep and its peaceful. No nightmares plagued him; he could almost pretend that they cared.


	6. booker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the next day for booker

Booker woke up feeling, warm? That wasn’t right, he always woke up cold. A warm body shifted against his front and he stiffened. Oh god who was with him, what had he done? And the air smelled sweet? He looked down and saw Nile curled against him and the previous day came flooding back filling his boy with dread. He had been good. He took the experimentation and the exile and never once reached out. He had been good. 

Booker could feel tears filling his eyes and tried to force them away. He tried to be good, but they just couldn’t be satisfied. Carefully he extricated himself from the tangle of blankets and Nile folding his blankets and trying to quietly get to the door. He didn’t want to be on the run, but maybe they would let him leave. They would never be satisfied with his punishment. His clothes were in the bathroom, and for that he would have to go through the kitchen, and he could hear Nicky and joe murmuring and dishes clanking. They would have to add stealing their clothes to his long list of sins. He padded barefoot towards freedom one step at a time cringing when a floorboard squeaked. Then a hand grabbed his shoulder, and he couldn’t help the full body flinch.

Nicky was looking at him with a strange expression on his face, big eyes, and a forced smile. God, he didn’t want fake smiles, he would rather them be honest and scream and hit him, not whatever this was. But his escape wouldn’t happen now hopefully he would have another shot later. 

Nicky led him to the table, and he sat down dreading what would come next. Instead of pain or informing him of his fate joe smiled at him and set a plate in front of him.

“we made you some crepes al'akhu al'asghar, you always liked them. Hopefully they are ok” joe chuckled then “Nicky made sure I didn’t burn them or add sugar instead of salt this time”

Booker smiled in spite of himself lost in the domesticity remembering joes cooking disasters. And the time he made cookies with salt instead of sugar. Then the reality of the situation came back and with it the dread. They were trying to ease the blow of the decision. He couldn’t forget that.  
Nile came walking into the kitchen rubbing sleep out of her eyes and Nicky guided her to a chair putting crepes down in front of her too.   
They all ate, talking and laughing and booker tried to relish it. Even though it was fake it would probably be the last time he would get with his family.  
After breakfast he made himself useful washing the dishes. And then it happened. Like he knew it would. He messed up and he couldn’t help the panic filling his body before the glass even hit the ground. He bolted but before he could get far felt a strong pair of arms holding him in place. He struggled as hard as he could and for the first time in a long time, he couldn’t stop the words from coming out.

“please no don’t send me back.”

The arms rubbed up and down his back in a way that felt so good after so long of touch hurting and then no touch at all. 

“we won’t let you go your safe.”

Booker slid to the floor not even having the energy to stand anymore, and the arms followed him down. “please no, not there I’ll be good, throw me in the ocean but not there.”

“where habibi”

“the lab, don’t, please, I promise.’

The arms stopped moving and bookers already extreme panic rose even higher.

“I’m sorry don’t, please please” his voice felt raw from all his speaking. A years’ worth of words in only a few moments.

“why would we send you there?” the soothing voice sounded confused.

“you did before, joe shot me so they could take me”

The arms stuttered again and the chest he was against shuddered with a…gasp?. ..Sob? he couldn’t tell but then the voice was back?  
“when?”

When? When? When what? What does that mean? When did he escape? Surely they remember when they sent him there? He made a noise and hoped it expressed his confusion. 

Shuddering breaths racked the chest before the voice asked him another question, god why so many questions its too much too much “how long?”  
Oh, this one he knew and rasped out “thirty years, three months, two days” his throat hurt from overuse.  
The arms tensed, oh god he was supposed to be there longer he escaped too soon, no no no, he couldn’t go back. Then they loosened again and resumed the soft stroking.

the voice had a hard edge to it now “you will NEVER go back there I will make sure of it al'akhu al'asghar, you are safe, and we will never allow you to be harmed like that again. You are safe with us.”

The voice started humming while rubbing his back and he could feel himself being lifted up and sat on something soft, but he was too exhausted to care. So many emotions and panic had stolen his energy even though he had just woken up. The arms adjusted his face, and he realized he was lying in a wet spot, how did the shirt get wet? He burrowed his face back into the chest and let the soothing motion of the arms on his back, and the humming in his hair ease him into a peaceful sleep.


	7. Joe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joes morning with booker

Joe awoke to the most beautiful sight he could ever wake up to, not only was his family finally whole, well as whole as it could be, but the most beautiful pair of blue green eyes as deep as an ocean stared back at him. he brought Nicky’s hand, still clasped in his hand to his lips.

Nicky jerked his head towards the kitchen and joe nodded. They couldn’t speak here without risking their younger siblings sleep, and they deserved a good long sleep. Slowly he extricated himself from booker so as to not wake him, while Nicky did the same with Nile, before meeting in the kitchen.

He walked up to his love, placing his arms around his waist and leaned down to give Nicky his good morning kiss. Nicky pulled back slightly resting his forehead on joes and sighed contentedly eyes still closed.

“hmmm morning Tesoro mio”

“hmm morning hayati”

They stood like that for a while, just basking in each other and the sleepy morning before finally pulling apart. 

“we should make breakfast for them.”

“crepes”

Nicky laughed “really Tesoro crepes??”

“what? He’s French”

“and he’s your brother we could come up with something more imaginative.”

Joe pushed his lip out in an exaggerated pout “but I wanna make him crepes.”

Nicky couldn’t resist kissing joes pouted lip laughing at his husband’s antics “all right I’m sure he will love crepes.” 

Joe grabbed the flour setting it on the counter when Nicky grabbed him turning him around to put an apron on over his head, kissing his nose, and reaching around him to tie the apron closed.

“there is perfect”

Joe couldn’t help but stare lovingly at Nicky “yes you are.”

Nicky playfully batted his arm “crepes, let’s not get distracted, they will eventually wake, yes?”

Joe sighed, he would never tire of Nicky, but he was right, so they got to work mixing the batter. Nicky did the work with the pan because joe had a tendency to get distracted letting things burn, and crepes were delicate. So, joe busied himself slicing strawberries and getting the Nutella out for the filling, filling each crepe as Nicky pulled them off the stove, rolling them as carefully as he would prepare for a mission. Joe loved cooking with Nicky. It was a well-choreographed dance honed over centuries together. And even better when they cooked for their family. There is just something so special and fulfilling about lovingly preparing food to nourish the bodies of those you hold dear in your heart.

He heard a creak and smiled the young ones must be waking up, he softly followed Nicky into the living room. For some reason he was walking to the door, he saw Nicky reach out grabbing bookers arm and booker flinched and sagged as if he was expecting pain or punishment and it broke his heart that his brother flinched from the most innocent of touches. He could see the pain in his love’s eyes at bookers reaction and cautiously as if approaching an injured deer he led booker to the table. Booker looked like a man being lead to his own hanging, and that looks worse on booker……..

Joe piled a plate with the best-looking crepes for his malnourished brother and pushed it in front of him.

“we made you some crepes al'akhu al'asghar, you always liked them. Hopefully they are ok” joe chuckled then “Nicky made sure I didn’t burn them or add sugar instead of salt this time.”

And then the most miraculous thing happened, booker smiled. It was short lived, but it was there, and it filled joe with hope that only a day with them and he was smiling again. Nile came in rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, so joe got a plate for her while Nicky guided her to her chair. He sat it in front of her kissing the top of her head, then did the same for Nicky, though his love got a kiss on the lips, before settling in with some crepes himself. 

Breakfast was nice, they felt like a family again, book didn’t speak much but they could work on that. They bantered and joked just like family should. When joe went to gather the plates, booker stopped him actually using words and it made joes heart sing that booker spoke, his voice sounded so unused.   
“no, you cooked.”

So joe let him because he would do anything to encourage his younger brother to heal and if this was what he wanted he would allow him. joe sat down on a stool in case booker wanted to speak. Keeping up a conversation with himself and bookers hums.

Then reaching over to put a glass on the counter it slipped from his grasp and joe could see bookers body stiffen, the fear in his eyes that had lessened into trepidation rose to full blown terror, and he ran over the glass shards towards the door. 

Not knowing what to do joe went after him and held him close, hoping to give some comfort to his brother, but also unwilling to allow him to leave the house in such extreme terror and disorientation. Booker was fighting with all his strength, but he didn’t have much, all his muscle mass gone, and it worried joe to no end how easily he could contain him. he started rubbing his back trying to calm him down. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Nile and Nicky hovering, but he shook his head, one person was probably overwhelming right now. And he needed to focus on booker.

“please no don’t send me back.”

“we won’t let you go your safe.”

Booker collapsed as if his strength had left him, so joe eased them both onto the floor, cradling him into his chest 

“please no, not there I’ll be good, throw me in the ocean but not there.”

Joes heart clenched, the ocean he thought they would drop him into the ocean oh god, wait what could possibly be worse than the worst fate any of them had suffered, what was tormenting him so much.

“where habibi”

“the lab, don’t, please, I promise.’

Joe froze, it was so long ago but that place still featured in his and Nicky’s nightmares from time to time, it was horrible. Why would they ever send him from that god forsaken place, besides, they destroyed it, right?

Booker started thrashing again tears and snot pouring off his face and into joes’ shirt.

“I’m sorry don’t, please please.” 

Joe realized he stilled his arms and started rubbing soothingly again. 

“why would we send you there?” trying to maintain a soothing voice for him no matter the turmoil bringing up the lab brought him, booker was in pain and he needed to focus.

“you did before, joe shot me so they could take me.”

Joe froze for a second something between a gasp and a sob tore through his chest before he made his arms move again, each time he stopped his ministrations booker panicked. How could booker think that he sent him to a lab when had he shot him? he would never shoot booker to send him to a lab no matter how hurt he was when booker betrayed them.

“when?”

Booker just made a pained noise. And joe thought hard, oh god the last time he saw him… the last time he saw booker was thirty years into the exile, he had been so angry and hurt. They were on a mission to stop human traffickers who were experimenting on children. He saw booker and assumed he was with the traffickers, in a fit of rage he looked booker dead in the eyes called him a traitor, said he deserved what he got, and shot him in the head. Oh god. They must have seen him wake up and..oh god they took him to a lab. He couldn’t keep his breathing steady; he was shaking with anger at himself and pain for his brother and shame and he couldn’t help the sobs ripping out of his chest WHAT HAD HE DONE. He was almost afraid to ask but he had to know, had to know the extent of the damage he had done to his baby brother, only 200 something at the time.

“how long?”

“thirty years, three months, two days”

Joe tensed thirty years was unimaginable, he needed to keep his brother safe against his chest. And he was overcome with rage at himself but mostly at the monsters who had kept, “experimented” on and tortured HIS brother for over three fucking decades, if they weren’t already dead, he was going to kill them, slowly, they deserved much much worse for what they had done. God him and Nicky had only been taken for three days and they still had nightmares he could only imagine what booker dealt with, no wonder he was in such a state. Oh god thirty years, three days, for him and Nicky having three days booker was given 100 years of exile even if it had been three years what he put his brother through was worth 10,000 years of exile. He could feel booker panicking and realized he tightened his grip to almost crushing the smaller man. He loosened his grip and resumed rubbing his back, but he couldn’t unclench his teeth at the mere thought of what those assholes had done. He would NEVER let that happen again he would protect his brother from now on.

“you will NEVER go back there I will make sure of it al'akhu al'asghar, you are safe, and we will never allow you to be harmed like that again. You are safe with us.” He vowed that he would make it so no matter the cost.

He picked booker up surprisingly easy, another thing they had done to him, and eased him on the couch with him. humming a lullaby his mother had sung to him as a child, and he would hum to his family when they had nightmares. Nicky, sweet man, draped a blanket over them, but he had a hard glint in his eye, clearly as angry as he was about what had been done to their brother, the baby for so long. He adjusted bookers head to a more comfortable angle and before long bookers breathing evened out into sleep. Joe never stopped humming and rubbing, doing his best to try and ensure booker had a peaceful sleep. Trying to keep the demons away, Nicky brought him water several times so he could keep humming but Nicky and Nile stayed blessfully silent. They knew how much booker needed sleep and they would do anything to make sure he got what he needed.


	8. Nicky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nicky deals with the aftermath of finding out what happened to booker

Nicky was simmering with rage at what he found out happened to his little brother. He remembered the mission where joe killed him and left him for dead. He knows joe had no intention for that to happen and if he had even an inkling it would have happened, he wouldn’t have harmed Booker but gotten him out of there. They were just so mad back then, all of them. Nicky included it could have been Nicky that shot Booker if joe hadn’t already done it. He wasn’t angry at joe, he understood, but that didn’t make what happened not happen. 

No, he was angry at the demons who had captured and tortured his brother for decades. His fingers itched to grab his sword and hunt down the ones who had hurt them and give them a slow death. Instead, he kept Nile quiet and brought joe water so that Booker could sleep peacefully. Then he took Nile with him to the nearest grocery store to pick out tea that Booker would like the best. He knew when he didn’t talk for a while talking a lot would hurt his throat and judging by the state of Bookers voice, he would need a good tea to help ease his throat. 

When they returned it had been about four hours since Booker had fallen asleep, so he set the tea to boiling and sanitized a knife, then returned to joe and Booker with two cups of tea, a knife, and a bowl.

Keeping his voice low he spoke to joe “we need to wake him up hayati”

Joe furrowed his brow and shook his head, never stopping his humming.

“Itss been four hours love, and he still has glass in his feet that we need to get out, it will have healed around it by now and we need to get it out.”  
Sighing joe changed the pattern of his rubbing and started murmuring into Bookers long hair to ease him out of his sleep, eventually, he woke up slowly, snuggling further into joe’s chest. before he realized where he was and sat bolt upright fear filing his eyes once again like a frightened rabbit. Nicky kneeled in front of him and pushed the tea into his hands.

“your safe Tesoro, no one will harm you when you are with us. We had no idea what happened, and we are so so sorry, though we know that that will not make up for what we did.”

Booker looked confused.

“then why did you shoot me?”

Nicky’s heart clenched, they would have to work hard to earn back his trust. Eyes never leaving Booker as he heard joe spoke.

“I am so sorry habibi, I was angry, it clouded my judgement, and I thought you were helping those monsters, so I shot you. I’m so sorry I hope someday you will find it in your heart to forgive me, but I understand if you never can, what I put you through no matter how inadvertently was heinous. I never would have… I never would have shot you if I had, god if I had known what was going to happen.”

Booker looked down into his tea.

“…..so it wasn’t a punishment for what I did? You didn’t send me there because the exile wasn’t enough?”

If Nicky’s heart could shatter any more than it had that sentence did it. He could physically feel it shattering into dust in his chest. Booker thought… he thought that they sent him to be tortured for thirty years as some form of sick revenge. No wonder he was so scared around them and kept trying to sneak off. Without realizing it they had become the star demons in their brother’s nightmares, and they deserved it. God what they had left him to, it was unspeakable horrors. He was quick to grab Bookers hands that were digging into his arm leaving crescent shapes before they faded away. He rubbed his hands over Bookers in what he hoped was a soothing motion. Looking deep into Bookers eyes so that he can hopefully see the depth of emotion and honesty.

“no Tesoro, we only intended the exile as a sort of time out, we never wanted you to go through even a quarter of what we went through at the hands of Merrik. You are our baby brother” when he said the word brother he could see a light of hope in Bookers eye and it both broke his heart and healed it at the same time “no matter what you do we will always love you, we may be mad for a while but we would NEVER send you to be tortured, we will protect you, no bottom of the ocean, no lab, nothing. We have realized how much we hurt you and we want you to stay with us to heal, the exile is over, and it is now our turn to make up for hurting you.” 

When he finished his speech, Booker flew into his arms, and he hugged him. Nicky relished holding the missing piece of his family, safe in his arms once again. He never wanted to let go. But Booker pulled back a few silent tears rolling down his face, Nicky reached up and wiped them away.   
“but… if you didn’t send me there… why did you not come get me?”

“because habibi, we had no idea, we were angry and didn’t keep tabs on you, but rest assured that will never happen again, we have your back, forever and always, you are our family, and we were remiss to not make sure you were safe during your period of reflection.” Joe had a hint of steel in his voice and Nicky knew that joe would do anything to keep their brother safe. It was slightly worrying, like he blamed himself. And Nicky’s husband had a bad habit of becoming self-sacrificing to protect those he held dear but that was something to worry about later. Right now, Booker needed all the love and protection they could possibly give him.

“now Tesoro, when you panicked earlier you cut your feet on glass, may I please look at them to make sure there is no glass?”  
Booker nodded so he rearranged them, Booker laying across the couch, leaning against joe’s chest with his feet on Nicky on the other end of the couch, he carefully prodded Bookers feet making a note of where he hissed in pain and located three glass shards.

“I found three I’m going to have to cut them out, you can scream or clutch joes’ hands but please don’t move your feet I don’t want to hurt you. And please remember Tesoro I am doing this to help you, not hurt you, the last thing I want is to harm you in any way, but we cannot leave the glass in your feet.”  
After Booker shakily nodded his assent, he began carefully cutting into Bookers feet with his sharpened sanitized knife, joe murmuring into Bookers hair and holding him still. Once he got the last shard out of his feet and watched them heal, he stood up, pressing a quick kiss to Bookers forehead before disposing of the shards that hurt Booker, wishing they were the people who had harmed him.


	9. Booker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bookers view on the talk

Booker woke up from the best sleep he had had in decades slowly, he was warm, and comfortable, leaning against a cheat that he instinctively knew meant safety, he didn’t want to wake up this was such a nice dream for once. a soft hand was rubbing his back and a face was burrowed into his long hair murmuring.

“wake up habbibi, Tesoro its time to wake up, your safe booker, I’ve got you, come on there we go, time to wake up sweetheart.”

Booker burrowed deeper into joe’s chest not wanting it to end. Wait, joe’s chest? Shit. He bolted upright, he showed them how weak he truly was, it was over he needed to get out of here. He didn’t care about waiting for the decision anymore, they had seen how weak he was, and they would stop even the fake kindness. Why was he cradled in joes’ arms? Surely this must be a trap. Telling him they knew he was weak and even more useless than a child. His head felt gummy his body was slow to respond unless it was pure instinct. He knew he would have to hear them out. They would finally declare his punishment now. 

But instead Nicky pushed a steaming mug of raspberry tea into his hands, kneeling in front of him.

“your safe Tesoro, no one will harm you when you are with us. We had no idea what happened, and we are so so sorry, though we know that that will not make up for what we did.”

What? This was not what he expected at all. Wait they didn’t know? Didn’t know what? He searched his brain and the only thing he could come up with was his… imprisonment. That doesn’t make sense, they sent him, there right? Joe told him he deserved what he got, then shot him an and he woke up in an inescapable hell. How could the two things possibly not be connected?

“then why did you shoot me?”

“I am so sorry habibi, I was angry, it clouded my judgement, and I thought you were helping those monsters, so I shot you. I’m so sorry I hope someday you will find it in your heart to forgive me, but I understand if you never can, what I put you through no matter how inadvertently was heinous. I never would have… I never would have shot you if I had, god if I had known what was going to happen.”

Wait it wasn’t connected? He had spent so long…. Had thought his brothers had sentenced him… they didn’t? it was just joe being impulsive and angry? But then the exile was enough? He could feel himself beginning to hope but he had to squash it down before it blossomed until he knew for sure. Because if it wasn’t on purpose, if it wasn’t a punishment, then maybe just maybe they were still satisfied with the exile and they hadn’t brought him back to hurt him more. Maybe he could finally have earned enough penance to rejoin his family and no longer be alone. Trying to watch his own back, even while he slept.

“…..so it wasn’t a punishment for what I did? You didn’t send me there because the exile wasn’t enough?”

He nervously pressed his nails against his arm trying to ground himself fin the present, try not to get too hopeful only for it to be ripped from him again. He knew he couldn’t afford to have hope taken away again; he wouldn’t survive it. But Nicky trapped his hand, pulling it away from his arm rubbing it between his own hands. It was such a sweet loving gesture that it was getting hard to tamp down the hope. He looked into Nicky’s eyes searching for any hint that it was all a trick, any little bit of resentment or hatred but he could find none. 

“no Tesoro, we only intended the exile as a sort of time out, we never wanted you to go through even a quarter of what we went through at the hands of Merrik. You are our baby brother” brother Nicky still thought of him as his brother, not acquaintance, not enemy, but his BROTHER. “no matter what you do we will always love you, we may be mad for a while, but we would NEVER send you to be tortured, we will protect you, no bottom of the ocean, no lab, nothing. We have realized how much we hurt you and we want you to stay with us to heal, the exile is over, and it is now our turn to make up for hurting you.” 

Booker couldn’t help the hope flew so high that he practically flew into Nicky’s arms. Seeking the comfort of his brother that he had missed so long and never dared to think he would ever feel again. But something nagged at the back of his mind and he had to ask. Had to know.

“but… if you didn’t send me there… why did you not come get me?”

Booker cringed, he sounded so needy if he wanted them to welcome him back, and truly accept him he couldn’t be needy and weak. He needed to be strong and useful.

“because habibi, we had no idea, we were angry and didn’t keep tabs on you, but rest assured that will never happen again, we have your back, forever and always, you are our family, and we were remiss to not make sure you were safe during your period of reflection.”

He could hear the conviction in joes voice that they wouldn’t let anything happen to him, and for the first time in a long time he felt…safe. That his brothers were there to protect him even though he knew the men at the lab weren’t after him he never stopped looking over his shoulder, terrified that they had found him. but with their conviction that nothing would get to him booker could finally relax for the first time in forty years. He could feel the burden he carried lessen and god it felt nice. he would do everything in his power to not be a burden to his family so he could continue to feel safe. he never wanted to lose that feeling again


End file.
